Wednesday, June 24, 2009
It's 1:30 in the morning...
For the life of me, I can't sleep...
So much has been going on.
First the job in LA.
Then the plans to move to LA.
Then the incredible sadness of leaving WA.
Then the thought of maybe staying here in WA.
Then my husband thinking maybe staying here is the best thing for the kids.
Playing with the idea.
I guess the question is, 'What do we really want?'
My husband and I are famous for the inability to make decisions and then making huge sweeping decisions at the last minute.
Every Sunday is our 'So what do we want to do with our life?' day. This has gone on for 13 years. We have talked for hours while drinking way too much.
First it was bloody marys.
Then it was mimosas.
Then it was coffee.
Now I drink tea... sometimes, while my husband continues his love of coffee.
We have thought about all the possibilities for our life. We have explored all the wild choices this life has to offer. We think about our sweet boys and the impact of our decisions. We think about what we most desire. We write lists.
On white boards.
On the computer.
We enjoy the highs of making wild decisions.
When we actually and finally make them.
Then there is the maintenance of these decisions.
With the exception of our decision to be together and our decision to be parents.
We don't tend to be great at the maintenance part.
There is just always another decision waiting around the corner to think about.
This time instead of going for the big sweeping decision, I wait...
until the answer is either yes or no...
and here I am at 1:40 in the morning, sitting in my big, comfy chair, with my soft, warm blanket and I am just waiting...
Until I finally decide to go to bed.