Sunday, May 17, 2009

So many emotions, so little time...

Since the big news, and taking steps towards leaving (selling the boat, buying another hybrid car, renting the house, having a going away party for Charlie) I have been having a lot of emotions. I have been:

These feelings seem to come moment to moment. Instead of trying to keep a smile on my face and continue to tell myself everything is going to be okay, I am allowing the feelings to come and show themselves. I may be excited one minute, cry the next, smile after that, then talk about my fears and about missing our life here in the northwest.

I notice that there are so many passing emotions, thoughts and reactions, and since I am not holding any judgments to them, they are passing by in seconds. I am not attaching who I am to what I feel.

So many of us are afraid of being authentic and feeling what we are feeling in the moment for fear it will grow into something too big to handle. When you allow your feelings without judging yourself afterward, you let go of the story and there is no drama or analysis... it just is.

For example, when I talk about my fear of dealing with the high population of a big city, I don't attach the judgments "I am a big baby!" "Why do you say such ridiculous things?" "You will never be able to handle all the noise, you can't handle anything!" or "You have to figure out a way to stop this move!"

Instead, I just notice the feeling of fear. Recognize it as normal and natural and feel it. When the fear seems to take on physical pain, I stop what I am doing and feel it even deeper. Let it come through me like a shock wave. Once I do, I notice it leave me. I watch it dissipate.

If I go with the stories and judgments, I get caught up in another reality. The reality in my head, instead of my heart. Our thoughts can take over and prolong the suffering of emotions. We make our feelings more important than the moment and watch the story go on for a full length movie or even a mini-series or life-long soap opera.

If you begin to notice a story taking over, just take a deep breath to create a break in the action. Go into your body and feel what is happening in there. Let go of your thoughts and stay with the feelings in the now.

The here and now is where you will find freedom. For that is all we have.

Everything else is purely for entertainment purposes only.

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